Growing up, I remember very vividly the first time I saw boys wearing nail polish. A punk rock cover star on a CD case—and it was really cool! But I also knew that boys “weren’t allowed” to wear nail polish, let alone stars. Indeed, that star was an outlier, precisely because he did things that no one considered normal before. The 90s–and decades before—saw a lot of experimentation and a lot of backlash about gender expression.
In 2023, we know gender expression is multi-faceted and beautiful—and that things like nail polish (or clothing) don’t have a gender. That’s exactly what this Reddit post is about—whether or not a little boy should have his toenails painted.
The toddler boy’s parent explains they’ve gotten strong pushback from family members about the idea—but all they want is for their child to be happy. And, well, painting their son’s toenails makes him happy.
Many commenters agree with the parent’s impulses: it’s not hurting anyone to paint your toddler’s toenails. One even pointed out, “My son has his nails painted all the time. You don’t use nail polish with your vulva, so it is neither a girl nor a boy product.”
Nail polish has no gender.
The poster wants to know what to say to those family members who push back, and for our family, the answer is quite simple, and has to do with the bodily autonomy of our children: My child is free to be whoever they want to be in this world. I will protect their right to authentic, autonomous expression.
If that includes painting their toenails, so be it.
Encouraging Self-Expression and Autonomy in Children
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) explains gender identity is fluid for quite some time. Children can recognize differences between genders at 2 years old, but it’s not until they’re 4 that they really have a concrete sense of who they are. Even then, the things typically seen as “things boys do” or “things girls do” have changed over time. While it’s natural to have ideas about what gender conformity looks like, pushing children to fill roles that don’t fit how they feel can harm them over time.
Importantly, autonomy and shame in young children are developed around the same time as gender identity and expression, according to renowned psychoanalyst Erik Erikson. Increased autonomy and lack of shame are linked to better mental healthcare outcomes and the trust of parents.
Remember: clothing, colors, and yes, even nail polish, are not gender-specific. There was a time when men wore heels and makeup as the standard for beauty. Famously, King Louis XIV set the standard for makeup-wearing in the 17th Century and arguably set the stage for modern fashion as we know it. But men wearing makeup has been recorded as far back as Ancient Egypt.
My young daughters, 4 and 6, are starting to ask tough questions about what gender means and looks like. Can boys wear makeup? What about skirts? Jewelry? Can girls be strong? Can I be a king?
These are all very normal questions, and in a house with a nonbinary parent in a heteronormative-passing relationship, all ones I expected. My answer is always very simple: you can wear what you like, act how you like (provided you’re not hurting anyone), and be whoever you want to be. In a world that does its best to put children into boxes (from “I’m a flirt” shirts for toddler girls to hyper-masculine shirts for boys), our family has tried to take the middle path.
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Here are some ways we try to be open to gender expression and personal style in our house:
- We let our children dress themselves—it builds autonomy and personal style. In our family, we have one very expressive girly girl who loves to dress in tutus and pink and tiaras and one girl who prefers shorts and tees in simple colors without patterns so she can best splash in mud puddles. Kids aren’t ours to manipulate and dress like dolls. They’re human beings from the start!
- We answer questions about gender honestly—because we trust our kids to ask tough questions, like the fairness of who gets to wear and do what, we know they’ll feel safe if they ever need to come out to us.
- We buy books with myriad gender expressions—our current favorite is Julián Is a Mermaid by Jessica Love. Seeing all kinds of dress and gender expression teaches acceptance, and shows them that there’s not only one right way to be.
- We steer clear of hurtful phrases—like “girls should dress this way”—because clothing, nail polish, color, none of those things have gender.
In the end, I hope the poster on Reddit decided to do what makes their son happy. Even if their toddler is not gender fluid, and just likes how nail polish looks on his toenails, developing autonomy is a good and important thing for parents to support. Further, allowing a child to express who they are bolsters empathy for everyone around them, including adults. So let’s let kids be kids–in all their beautiful and varied ways–and pass the sparkly pink nail polish.
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FAQs
Many commenters agree with the parent's impulses: it's not hurting anyone to paint your toddler's toenails. One even pointed out, “My son has his nails painted all the time. You don't use nail polish with your vulva, so it is neither a girl nor a boy product.” Nail polish has no gender.
Can I paint my 2 year old's toenails? ›
Safe Polish Options
Amid growing concern from parents, some companies have developed safer polish options for little fingers and toes. Brands like Hopscotch Kids and Piggy Paint provide water-based nail polishes and polish removers that are free of dangerous chemicals.
What does it mean when boys paint their nails? ›
They do it to break stereotypes.
If a guy's views of what's gender-appropriate are unconventional and his ideas of beauty are different, he has a chance to raise his voice. A man's nails can become a powerful message, telling people that he thinks outside the box.
Can straight guys paint their toenails? ›
Everyone should be able to express themselves freely, regardless of their gender. If a man wants to wear nail polish, he can!
Is it safe to put nail polish on a 2 year old? ›
"Nail polish generally contains toxic chemicals which could be dangerous, because little ones often put their fingers in their mouths," Dr. Williamson told POPSUGAR. "According to the Food and Drug Administration, nail polish commonly contains phthalates, toluene, and formaldehydee.
Is nail polish bad for boys? ›
An allergic reaction and skin irritation are top concerns when applying nail polish on kids. Certain chemicals present in traditional nail polishes, like formaldehyde and toluene, can trigger adverse reactions. Opting for polishes designed for children minimizes the risk of allergies and skin irritation.
Is it OK not to paint toenails? ›
You don't need me to tell you that bare toenails are not a big deal. Just like body hair, how you tend to your toes (or don't) is entirely your prerogative.
Why are my toddlers toenails brown? ›
As the fungus spreads, the nail turns a darker colour and gets thicker. And its edges start to turn ragged and crumble. A bad infection can cause pain, and the nail may pull away from the toe or finger. Nails that are exposed to moisture and warmth a lot are more likely to get infected by a fungus.
Is piggy paint safe for toddlers? ›
Piggy Paint - Safe, Non-Toxic Nail Polish for Kids.
What does black nail polish on guys mean? ›
Men paint their nails black for a number of reasons—for fashion and style, to show they're goth or in a rock band, or to express their sexual or gender identity. Other times, men might paint their nails to strengthen them for sports or guitar playing, or simply to stand out from the crowd just because they want to.
What do 'light blue nails' mean on TikTok? Basically, if you've got blue nails, it means that you have a boyfriend, or you're taken. There's also a theory that when girls ask their boyfriends what colour they should get their nails done, they will apparently always say "light blue" or "baby blue".
What does white nail polish mean to boys? ›
Some guys get turned on when they see a girl wearing white nail polish because it makes her seem more “pure” or naive. For guys who prefer girls with less sexual experience, white nails are appealing because they represent the qualities they're looking for in a partner.
What color toenail polish do men prefer? ›
In a representative survey, the German Paint Institute found that men generally likeblue , but also likegray , black and brown . Both sexes like green about equally, while women are more likely to like red ,yellow ,beige and orange .
Are guys attracted to painted nails? ›
Yes, according to psychologists, color experts and, well, science. Red nails can be a magnet to attract male attention, but not necessarily for the reason the theory espouses.
What does it mean when a man paints one fingernail red? ›
Men often paint one fingernail to help raise awareness about violence against children. The idea is that by painting one in five nails, it raises awareness that one in five children will be victims of sexual violence.
Why I let my son wear nail polish? ›
Using Nail Polish for Creative Expression
The process of creating is extremely important and crucial to a child's growth and development. When a child expresses themselves through art, by which ever modality they choose and are geared towards, it helps them to cope with their thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Is it OK to paint baby's fingernails? ›
In addition to inhaling the chemical during the nail-painting process, your baby will also be exposed to formaldehyde the entire time that the polish is on her nails. Similar to formaldehyde, formaldehyde resin helps nail polishes harden as they dry. The chemical is also an allergen and known carcinogen.
Is finger paint safe for toddlers? ›
Once your baby can sit up, it's a great time to introduce your child to finger painting! Finger paint is washable and typically has a gelatinous texture that's smooth and satisfying to touch and spread around with your fingers.
Is gel nail polish safe for 4 year olds? ›
Kids under the age of 12 should not use gel polish without adult supervision. When using gel polish on your child, make sure to follow the instructions carefully. This will ensure that the polish is applied and removed properly, without causing any damage to your child's nails. And don't forget to have fun with it!
